I thought I was going a bit crazy (/crazier) when I first came up with the idea of blogging and mentioned it to my nearest and dearest – their responses were actually a hell of a lot more positive than I’d expected. Having finally accepted that I’m not physically or mentally in a position to go back to work for now, I figured I needed some kind of focus to keep me busy while I “couch potato”! Other than completing Netflix – I wanted to actually get my mind going a bit. My legs may not work so well, and some days my brain may be a bit fuzzy but I haven’t completely lost my sanity (just yet) so I thought I could work with this blogging malarkey.
One of the main things I’ve learnt over the past few months, having previously been very closed and private when it comes to my mental health, talking about it and writing things down and, well, just letting it all out, has been a huge help. I was always worried about what people would think of me or I’d be treated differently but thanks to my amazing family and friends, they have proved me wrong (and I would never normally admit to being wrong), however there is still such a massive stigma around depression, anxiety and eating disorders. I figured by starting my blog I could give those close to me, or anyone interested in reading about my journey, a better understanding of what it is really like and a bit of an insight into the struggles and everything that comes along with it. A massive frustration in the past, has been the lack of understanding my friends and family have had about what I’m really feeling, not their fault I know and most would echo my frustration in not being able to get it! Since being much more open about what I’m going through, how I’m feeling and how its affecting me day to day, I have been amazed at the difference it has made – especially with my parents! I have felt so much more supported and I have realised and been reassured that it is ok to not be ok!!! I believe that’s something that everyone – whether you have a mental health illness or not – should remember. Its so hard to accept not being ok but, at the end of the day, we’re all only human and there should be no shame in suffering. Having somewhere (here – of course) where I can write about anything and everything recovery/food/feeling/life, I hope will give you a grasp on what it’s really like (FYI – it’s not all apples and weighing scales).
I plan on using the blog as a motivation to keep pushing to recover and keep getting up when I fall. I think it’s going to give me a bit of purpose and focus, somewhere to reflect on the struggles and battles but also celebrate my successes and progress! And, as I said earlier – just let it all out. In a years time I want to be able to look back on how far I’ve come (optimism at its finest) and in the process if I can help you guys really appreciate the truths of it all and allow a better comprehension of eating disorders and depression, motivate or inspire any of my fellow ED sufferers and friends then bonus, and what an achievement that would be! I’m going to try and keep it as positive and light hearted as I can (I’m not that great at serious anyway) and most importantly be honest about things that I go through and experience.
So there you have it – the reasons for staring “On My Plate”, the method behind my madness. For now though..
Thank you for reading my first ever blog post 🙂