When it all gets too much

So today, well technically yesterday, was my birthday. My boyfriend, the man I love, the reason I’m in the state I am, mark, knob head, whatever you want to call him, decided to spend the majority of the day with me. He woke me with a Costa (my favourite hazelnut praline latte) then I went for a lovely meal with my mum dad and brother. We went to pho. One of my all time favourite restaurants, first discovered on a lunch outing with my daddy!! It was wonderful. I had a chilli chicken noodle soup πŸ˜‹

Anyhow after a successful lunch I ventured home (just in time) to pick all 3 (yes 3) kiddies up from school. Oscar, Riley and my big boy Harvey. We ventured to Specsavers to collect Harveys new glasses. Via poundstretcher for a Friday bag of treats. I love it. Having them all. Like one big happy family. After that, pub with my big bro/guardian angel/2nd best next door neighbour ever (chelsey is first obviously). For a cheeky bday wine and to plan a night out with my main gal!! Rushed back for 6 as plan M said he’d be here then. Anyway not long after we hit the spa, came home, had a wonderful night then he tells me… My wife is outside. Now obviously I knew he was married. She was also aware he’s been with me. Anyway blah blah. He loves me, needs to keep peace with her and will be with me soon. Yeah ok mate. So tonight not only do I feel used and abused, I feel confused, frustrated, angry… Anyway no matter how I felt, keeping peace with her was more important despite the fact he doesn’t love her. Go figure.

Anyway that brings us to here and now. I’ve pushed some of my closest friends away, my own mum barely speaks to me and when she does she has no clue. The man I love is currently sharing a bed with another woman and my own son hates me. Which leaves me with the dilemma of now.

I don’t want to see, talk or be with anyone right now. You know why? I will never be enough. Not for my son or friends or lover. Which is why I decided enough is enough!! I love you all but this is not the life for me xxx

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